When I Almost Gave Up

I should tell you that I almost gave up on this blog. I almost let it go because it was too hard: nothing was going according to plan, everything was inconsistent, I got blinded by anger and frustration towards my mom. The third week of this challenge rolled around with no posts published (I was supposed to publish one after each week), and we still weren't agreeing on the content of my posts. When we got into ANOTHER argument, I had had enough. This blog wasn't matching up to my vision, and to keep trying to make it so was dragging me down a deep, dark hole. Instead, I decided to let go of this blog (shut it down) and just keep a personal diary.

Yet for some reason I couldn't give up this blog. It didn't feel right. I was unhappy and thinking, just because it's hard and hasn't fit my vision perfectly doesn't mean I shouldn't keep trying. These two weeks - weeks 3 and 4 - were weeks of reflection regarding what I should do with my Quest and the future of this blog.

The reality of everything was looking at me right in the face, and it was time for me to recognize it honestly:

Starting a blog is stressful, and not easy.

Getting the groceries you need in a pandemic is frustrating, and not easy.

Writing a blog post is incredibly time consuming, and not easy.

Parent relationships are not easy.

Keeping a cool, calm head in the face of everything is gosh darn difficult.

Being consistent is gosh darn difficult, verging on impossible, because there is SO much outside of my control.

Everything going according to plan is straight up impossible.

After making this list, I finally came to to the realization:

To have this blog and share my journey with others was my dream from the very start. Nothing about this cooking and blogging challenge is easy, and that's what makes it worth doing!

I started this challenge with high, unrealistic expectations. It didn’t match up. That’s OK. When I made this challenge for myself this year, I made it with the most important part of Quest in mind: room for spectacular failure. Because without failure, how can you grow? Which is why, no matter what challenges come up—they are bound to come up—I will keep in mind my most important goal throughout this journey: to learn and grow in the process.

By now you know that I haven't given up on this blog. There have been a bunch of posts published since I wrote this! And yes, I was still cooking during these two weeks...